Lynn has been a featured speaker at most of the major astrology conferences in the world. She has been a tutor for The Faculty of Astrological Studies Summer school in Oxford, and teaches seminars around the world — from Western Europe to far-off lands like Bali and Mexico.

Her articles have appeared in too many major astrological publications to mention. She is the author of Cycles of Light: Exploring the Mysteries of Solar Returns. She is co-author Of the Mars Quartet and author of Planetary Threads, which explores family patterns in astrology.

Recently, I had the good fortune to interview Dr. John Kalb, a holistic chiropractor and world-class nutritionist, on my Pathways radio show (podcast on Divination.com). Dr. Kalb reminds us that “Aging is required, but symptoms are optional,” and that aside from good nutrition and reasonable exercise, we need purpose and inspiration to live a fulfilling and truly healthy life.

Like myself, Dr. Kalb is a spiritual person who has been known to use the I Ching to help him stay spiritually synchronized, be more creative and make better decisions. You should hear what he has to say about the spiritual dimension of health, as well as the true place of supplements, the “Happiness Project” and the wisdom of the elders. Thank you, Dr. Kalb!

First of all, let go of any residual blame. Forgive the other person for not having lived up to the projections you shined on him (and vice-versa, to be sure). We all have a reflected sense of self, and enjoy being other-validated. It feels good to be desired and appreciated; it’s intoxicating. But now is the time to hold onto the part of you that is self-validating. To this highly conscious part, everything happens for a good reason (i.e. personal growth), and it just doesn’t matter what other people think (they don’t do it that much anyway .

Considering that you are going to be running into this guy, however, it’s useful to realize that you will be having an ongoing ‘relationship’ with him, whether you like it or not. What you are dealing with here is changing the form of this relationship—as opposed to the notion that a “relationship” must be all or nothing.

You had hopes with this guy for intimacy, and discovered that (for mutual reasons) it’s not going to work. So, what form do you want now? If you are reacting emotionally and are still shouting “nada,” you are blinded to what may be in your best interests. If you are not ready to get beyond reaction, then perhaps you really should totally avoid him for a month or two. Time heals all wounds and you’ll come around to being able to treat him as an acquaintance you can’t rely on … and whom you cannot take too seriously. (What a fool that he passed up the opportunity to adapt to and change himself for you, right?)

Most intimate relationships begin by meeting someone at work or in our social groups. Nothing against online or blind dates, but this local, organic approach often feels more natural and can work out (for a while). But even though your wider group of friends may have observed and been privy to the details of your relationship, you never agreed to bet your entire social life on a single relationship, did you? Don’t politicize what happened. Be cool about the fact that “you win some, you lose some.”

If you find yourself feeling out of sorts in public when he’s around, just try to act naturally. Avoid conversations with him, ignore him as best you can without being pointed or obvious about it. Carry on doing what you like to do … including going out with someone else from a common group. Don’t even consider what others might think or feel … you’re self-validating now, baby. Do your own harmless thing without regard for whatever you think others might think—we never know what people are thinking (hint: it’s generally about them, not us)! As they remind us in 12-step programs “What you think of me is none of my business!” Instead of worrying about what others might think, focus on learning as much as you can about how to hold onto yourself (and pick better partners as a result).  And don’t forget to enjoy this learning process. After all, that’s one big thing relationships are for!

Michelle, you have no reason to feel guilty. Trust your internal guidance system. After all, would you want to deprive your third child of as much maternal attention as you can, just because you were not  able to give as much to your first two? Outside of worrying about what others might think (an external  guidance system), that doesn’t make sense. Why not celebrate your good fortune and the good fortune of all of your children, who can see more of their mother now?

This is a big change. That you have some feelings of insecurity about it is totally understandable.

I suspect that the issue of being in control is the bigger one for you here. You took pride in your ability to earn a good living and contribute to your family financially; that is understandable. Since you didn’t say one way or the other, one assumes that your husband supports the idea of you being a stay-at-home mom. If so, it stands to reason that you should not have to give up financial knowledge or decision-making power in the family, an equal role in all the business of the two of you. Perhaps, if you have not fully discussed how you intend to manage your collective finances as partners, you should!

Also, it probably makes sense to stay up to speed on your professional skills, because one never knows what will happen in this economy. What is needed right away is for you and your husband to come to an agreement on how to manage family finances, as well as how you can provide the best care for all your children. Clear communications will result in a better understanding and a stronger bond between all of you.

I submit that a big part of the reason males are so interested in physical intimacy is their need for emotional intimacy. A little background: in patriarchal societies around the world, boys are pushed off their mother’s lap around age 4 or 5 and quickly trained to become “little men.” If dad isn’t around — which has generally been the case in post-industrial societies — the boys quickly fixate on fantasy or sport heroes as a way to develop some sense of identity (however shaky that might be). Now Mom’s not even around in an increasing numbers of cases.

What this scenario essentially means is that, even though they are almost completely emotionally dependent upon maternal nurture, these boys must learn to deny that fact and suck it up, lopping off huge bits of their natural emotional range for the sake of developing a more stoic “masculine” (i.e. military) self-image.  For the rest of their lives, the only emotions most of these males will feel comfortable displaying are anger, competitive aggression and lust.

But their inner child is not done with them — not by a long shot. That deprived little guy still needs emotional nourishment and physical affection, and will act out in all kinds of ways, be it sexual or becoming wimpy. In contrast with females, however, he often cannot get nurturing energy from his own kind. In short, I submit that the need for emotional nourishment is a huge unrecognized component of why hetero men so strongly desire sexual contact. It’s a two-fer — not only is the testosterone-fueled urge temporarily satisfied, but sex is one way that masculine-oriented men can allow themselves to receive a bit of deep affection without feeling embarrassed about it.

I have checked this theory out with several of my more thoughtful male friends and they all agree that men are dependent upon women far more than women are dependent on them (even in cases where they are financially supporting their partner). Of course, there are millions of exceptions — and plenty of lonely people of both sexes — but it’s obvious to me that women have recourse to other women for emotional support (whether they use that or not) — and have so much more oxytocin than men (the bonding hormone) — whereas men’s ability to hold and emotionally support each other, etc. is almost totally inhibited in our culture. Once again, the experience of females and males is VERY different!

In my Anatomy of a Horndog theory, half the reason men are horndogs — more and more so as they get past their 20′s — is a secret desire for emotional nourishment, for which they (and everybody else) are dependent on women (or more sadly, just fantasies of women). To whatever extent this is true, it is denied by everybody, especially including men themselves (which is why I’m bringing it up). Few people seem to care, but as long as this unseen driver goes unnamed, the most important ingredient — emotional bonding — for intimacy remains missing in action.

Admittedly, there may be some of my own personal discoveries popping up here, but it’s more than that for me — for I can’t help but believe the romantic notion that deep intimacy between men and women would be one of the most powerful catalysts for the collective healing of our damaged planet. If so, the most relevant follow-up question is how can we help men heal their lovesickness without asking them to lop off other vital parts? I think using the I Ching for greater self-awareness is a good way to start!

In another blog, I mentioned that men need women not only for sex, but also for emotional nourishment. Several women responded that women want sex too. Yes, of course, most do, but just not as insistently as men. Even though women may have an even greater capacity for sexual fulfillment than men, the average woman’s desire is not nearly so insistent as the average male’s.

It’s a biological fact that the hormone testosterone plays a major role in sexual interest — for both sexes. The avg healthy male has 20 to 30 times the testosterone of the avg healthy female … actually, it ranges from 10x to 100x. Women have much, much less, and their level fluctuates with their cycle (reaching its peak around ovulation), but men’s bodies are flooded with testosterone ALL the time. We’re not talking twice as much — not even just 5 times as much — it is a HUGE differential!

Certainly, most women also want sex, but men think about it a LOT more. One indicator is that 30% more men pleasure themselves and, comparing with the women who do, men do it on average 4-5 times as often. Also, men download erotic materials 5 to 10 times as much as women. Moral judgments aside, these are markers for a MUCH higher level of interest — even factoring in the idea that sex may be just as strongly desired by women in the context of a romantic relationship (or perhaps fantasies about Orlando Bloom .

So, at least half the reason men are labeled ‘horndogs’ is biological … that constant flow of lots more testosterone is why men can’t help but think about sex so much. (Question: Do men get empathy from women for this condition? Or do they just mainly get blamed for their biological burden?)

Now, let me be clear: In no way does strong desire justify inappropriate or abusive speech or behavior. It’s only natural for men to test the waters a little bit (i.e. flirt), but there is no excuse for men to ever make women uncomfortable just because they, the men, are feeling their own biological pressure. If so many men lack refinement, it’s only because they are ignorant of the fact that women are so very different than them … to the extent they project their own cravings onto women, men most certainly lack empathy too. To the extent that we need each other, we just ALL need more empathy for each other, which is the real point behind this blog.

But, even more interesting, testosterone is not the only major reason men are so focused on physical intimacy. There is a significant emotional component involved as well, which is largely denied and hidden by society, including men themselves. There is emotional deprivation behind men’s sexual desires, which is what creates the ‘lovesick’ part. Here again, men are dealing with something that is qualitatively different than the same desire in the experience of women. We’ll explore this second major factor in my next blog.

Generally speaking, men have tended to look to a mate to satisfy sexual and emotional needs. In general, women have less urgency in getting these particular needs met from men than the other way around (of course, women need and want these things also, but they don’t have as much testosterone/craving for sex and can get a lot of their emotional nourishment from girlfriends, while men are often poverty-conscious in both departments, even if they deny it).  Historically, women’s selection priorities had been more about a male partner’s ability to physically provide for and protect her and their children.

Generally, men’s needs have not changed, and men seem just as dependent upon women for sex and emotional nourishment as ever. But these days women don’t have as much need for protection and provision and, in many cases, no need at all. (And now we have sperm banks!)

Around 1980, there was a bumper sticker that read “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” What do you think? After 40 years of the feminist movement (and greatly increased male-bashing), do you think this sentiment is still growing? Or is romantic fantasy perhaps making a comeback?

Given that women generally can support themselves in our modern society, why exactly do they need men? Obviously, men can be good at catching spiders, fixing a modem or figuring out how much gravel it takes to fill a driveway, but is that enough?

I thought we had the perfect marriage: beautiful home, kids through college, ready for retirement. Now, I am told, I will need to get a job and take care of my self. If you have any words of wisdom, I am all ears. I have told him that I am willing to forgive and forget! I know I am not the only one that this happens to … how can a person be so selfish and cruel? I have cut his hair, done his laundry and raised our children for those 30 years, not to mention, moved 8 times for his job and worked and found employment for my self.

- Barb, Houston, TX

Figuring out his psychology is not that relevant any more (you’re probably not that good at it anyway, considering how unaware you have been for 8 years). Unfortunately, living in a bubble only contributes to bitterness later on, which feeling now hurts you more than it hurts him. It will help you make better decisions going forward to become as self-soothing and objective as possible.

You obviously don’t have to believe what he (or anyone else, including your children) tells you about what you need to do. The transition from co-dependence to independence is challenging, but you are on your own and must make your own decisions independent of what he or anyone else wants. Surely you have some community property rights and more options than you may be able to clearly see right now. Things are never as bad as they seem and often come with a silver lining that we don’t recognize for months or even years later. Start building faith in yourself.

When the vow “until death do us part” was instituted, human beings probably lived to be 40. The primary reasons for marrying were different too — having to do with survival and clan politics, not love. In any case, we were making a commitment of 20 years or less. Death from any number of causes — even simple infections — was always lurking. Now chances are good that you are going to live another vital 25-30 years.

It’s a new life for you now, one where you can focus on taking care of yourself for a change! As difficult as the transition may be, it could be enlightening. It hurts like hell to be blindsided and feel rejected — and it’s difficult not to argue for pure victimness and prolong the pain with self-pity. Please forgive yourself for being naive and look for new opportunities to awaken and develop as time heals your wounds, which it will. In the meantime, get counseling and avoid despair as best you can.

The other day, during my first visit here, I took a tour of the Acropolis, the hill on which the monumental Parthenon, symbol of the glory of Greece, still stands, huge and magnificent. Close by is the much smaller hill of the god Aries — a mound of solid marble with beautifully carved steps leading up to its flat top.

There, civic leaders of democratic Athens would meet to take evidence and hammer out decisions . . . or to conduct selected trials — including all murder trials, which were required to be held outdoors, because the Greeks feared contagion from extreme evildoers if they were enclosed with them.

Paul of Tarsus, the prime stimulus of Christian orthodoxy as we still know it, asked for a Mars Hill meeting with the democrats of Athens to present his case for a new God, one who had incarnated in human form. Now, this Paul was a crafty zealot . . . he had noticed that the Greeks had one statue dedicated to “the unknown god” — kind of like the “tomb of the unknown soldier” — because, in their liberal way, the Greeks were willing to consider there might be some god(s) they didn’t know about yet. Paul saw an opportunity to preach his visions to the Greeks by appealing to their remarkable broad-mindedness. The elders of Athens granted him a hearing.

Paul’s presentation was going OK, until he presented his idea of a human son of God, who rose from the dead and bodily ascended into heaven (Elysian Fields to the Greeks). On top of this, Paul argued that the end of the world was going to happen any day now, at which time the gentle Jesus would come back as a victorious warrior, to smite non-believers, while true believers would also ascend bodily into heaven, in a state of rapture (evidently unaffected by the suffering of their “left-behind” neighbors).

Altogether, these fantastic notions were too much, even for the open-minded, mythology-oriented Greeks. Although they gave him a fair hearing, they could not countenance such ideas, and Paul was dismissed. In this particular instance,  he was not able to put “the fear of God” into his audience, and the wise men of Athens never invited him back.

Considering the modern rise in fundamentalism (in all 3 western religions), there may be a lesson in this for us today. Let the fundamentalists say their piece, refuse to be infected by fear-mongering, politely point out the absurd inconsistency of their beliefs, deny them power and send them on their way. The fact that Paul’s belief system gained ascendancy 300 years later, and formed the basis of Christian doctrine, east and west, speaks not only to the power of his fanatic personality but also to the power of fear combined with magical thinking about personal salvation and even ascension (72 virgins, anyone?)

Except for the likes of Athens’ brightest minds, the ancients were ripe for this combination, for hardly anyone living in that brutal world was educated or literate. The promise of a personal redemption and salvation in exchange for the acceptance of one’s suffering was fairly irresistible to many who had no hope otherwise.

Paul left Athens and marched further into the pagan world. He eventually reached Rome where he was imprisoned (for the umpteenth time) and beheaded (way before the Second Coming).

How many times do you think you can you reject someone and expect him to come back for more? It may be too late. He’s given you more than enough chances, he may feel that he can’t trust anything you say. Or perhaps his ego needs to exact a price (beyond apologies) for all the rejection. Are you willing to go beyond apologizing and  make amends … to deal with that karma you mention? Is there anything you can generously offer him to try to make up for what he feels he’s gone through? If you’ve hurt someone, saying ‘sorry’ is too easy and never enough. Try adding “… and what can I do to make it up to you?” and hope the other party will  give you something (within reason) to do. This is a way to make amends, if that’s really what you want to do. It is too late if he is no longer interested in giving you one more chance to demonstrate that you really care — to make and keep an agreement to do something to make up for your repeated rejections. No matter what does or doesn’t happen, this doesn’t have to be all bad. Perhaps leaving the relationship was the right move in the first place and all the jerking  around was you second-guessing yourself. That doesn’t make it right, but for that you can forgive yourself and move on.